Trauma Art

Along my journey of healing from Early Life Trauma, I started painting again in 2016.
I had not painted since I left school several decades ago.  
This selection of paintings is displayed in the order they were created between 2017 and 2021.

Some people might find some of my paintings activating, so please practice self-care to
what you expose yourself. (Each image has a title, some have a bit of more info about what this meant
to me at the time. There is a blank line before and after each image, so you can scroll and decide
if you like to see the next title/image) 

Painting has been a helpful medium to support me process the impact of trauma my younger
self  wasn't able to express. Being pre-verbal, I had no words for what I had experienced, for what
I felt. Initially, I was puzzled that my “paintings” had so many words… so in the context of pre-verbal
trauma it makes complete sense, I literally had to find words for my experience. A big part of my work
was to explore healthy boundaries, and healthy relational dynamics so I was no longer bound by the
betrayal bonds my younger self had entered into, to minimize harm at the time.

Clearly, I am not a technical painter - it is a release sometimes a painting can be completed in a few
hours, some have been in process for much longer. For me painting is unedited and a  full body
experience, where the energy of deep emotions guides my paintbrush over the canvas.
I am grateful for the ever-forgiving medium of acrylic paints.

All works are subject to Copyright *

OWNING MY NO
This NO arises when my boundaries are violated. 
Anger informs me that this is not okay, so I can
speak up for myself, walk away, or fight if needed.  

MY NO, PROTECTING THE TENDER SPACE OF MY HEART
This NO lets others know that I don't want to engage in something.
It comes from a place of kindness, compassion and self-honouring. 

FORCED OPEN
This painting captures the emotions I got in touch with when
I  processed the impact of hospitalisation at a young age. 

CONFUSION, FROZEN - THAWING BY LOVE
This painting can be viewed in 2 perspectives.
The first perspective is the child (the little bean) carrying the burden of the world,
the pressures she felt being in hospital without being allowed visitors, without
the care and protection she needed. Feeling abandoned and completely over-
whelmed by what she experienced and felt. The white fragments illustrate the
freeze state this child experienced. 

The second perspective is the one from the point of where I started to heal.
Where someone could be with me, with what I felt, with what I brought. Their compassionate
presence, kindness, their understanding of clear and healthy boudaries, their respect, and their
expertise working with early life trauma... their "being with me"  translated into love in action from
one human being to another. The sun symbolises this love. The frozen ice slowly melting away.  

THE BASIS OF MY YES
Learning to recognise red, orange and green flags of behaviour.

YES TO BEING, LIFE, LOVE, AND JOY

This painting captured such a beautiful opening into experiencing the fullness of life,
of being present to ordinary moments and the richness that can be found (t)here.  

MY BODY, MY BOUNDARIES 
Reclaiming my body, my YES and my NO. 

FURY RISING

BREAKING FREE FROM ABUSE,
RECLAIMING THE POWER OF MY NO
The split between the mind and the body. The mind's strategies to survive,
the body's knowing of what is "right" and "wrong". (relating to abuse of power)
... and finally breaking that double bind open. 

SADNESS, TEARS

THE MINDF**K OF BETRAYALBONDS

PEACE, CALM AND JOY

RELATIONAL SAFETY AND DANGER
Values, Behaviours, what they create for me, and how I feel in this experience. 

CONNECTION THROUGH AUTHENTICITY & THE LOSS AND GRIEF
The feelings around letting go of honouring connections -
The loss of what could have been, but never was.
Feeling the loss, the grief, the acceptance that nothing lasts forever.